Tools for the Utterly Incompetent (Me)

“Lifestyle Reset” Day 1

Weight: Who’s asking?

I don’t know if you know this, but constantly eating isn’t *great* for you…and it just so happens to be something I’m great at.

One of my worst habits is that I eat waaaaaay too much; I have seconds and thirds, I eat when I’m sad, and on occasion I graze like a sheep put to pasture.

Quite conveniently, this terrible habit happens to be ridiculously difficult to break!


But I’m trying to… Again.

Yep, I’m on the wagon, trying to get healthy so I don’t drop dead of heart disease, but perhaps most importantly, trying get healthy to fit back into my nice pants.

Here’s the thing, I don’t trust myself at all–how many times can you attempt the same thing and get the same result before admitting you might be bad at it? Seriously I’m asking, I’m setting records here.

I clearly suck at this, but thankfully I’m not alone. Plenty of other people suck at this, and some of these people are creative techie types who create tools and plans to help idiots like me!

I’m enlisting technological help in the form of apps.

Yes, apps plural; not one, not two, but three.

Three apps to try and keep me honest. For my diet. On my phone.


Yes it’s a lot. One thing I’ve learned from my various quests for food-related sanity is that no two bodies or minds react quite the same way.

Some people can cut everything bad for them out of their diets and then just live their lives, blissfully…I am not one of those people, in fact I am jealous of those people. If I cut something unhealthy from my diet I am haunted by its existence for days, weeks, and months until I finally cave and start inhaling it.


I need a support system with fail-safes and just enough structure to remind myself that eating sixteen cookies for dinner is bad. But I don’t want something so rigid that if I eat a single oreo I must repent for the next thirteen full moons and then go on an over-the-top ritualistic cleanse to get rid of my toxins, because then I will probably become very hangry and alienate the nice people that like me.

So…deluge of apps here I come! And before you say anything, yes, I know. I know it’s excessive, that I run the risk of turning into one of those people that won’t eat a chickpea without consulting a caloric index first. 

Here’s the thing: I don’t care.


I really just want to feel like my best self. If using three different logging health app thingies finally stops me from eating peanut butter with a spoon in the middle of the night I will do it, dammit.

Here’s to overkill! And here is to a new start, the first day of the rest of my life.

On your mark, get set….wait hold on.


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