Here comes the anxiety!

Whole30: Day 8

You know those days when you wake up like a shot at 4 in the morning?

Yeah, I’m having one of those days. I blame anxiety, and a whole30-related weekend incident. 

Good news: I survived the weekend!

Bad news: …I might have cheated on whole30? I can’t be sure.

I did something utterly magnificent and decadent this weekend: I ordered thai food.

To you, this is probably no big deal, to me, the person that cannot consume anything awesome (bread, cheese, added sugar in ANY form), having someone else cook food and bring it to my door is nothing short of a friggin miracle.

I had an awesome first week, but dammit if I didn’t want something that I didn’t have to make myself. Thanks to google, I learned that Thai curry is OK for a person in my self-imposed state of hell, and after scouring the local restaurants I found a place that didn’t add anything evil and ordered A TON of it, because I felt like it, dammit.

So here’s where the crippling anxiety kicks in; despite the tons and tons of checking I did (I seriously triple-checked every ingredient in the food I ordered) there is still the chance that I screwed up.

I probably spend about 27.3% of my time reading labels these days, and even if whatever I’m consuming says that there is no sugar or legumes or grains…what if I’m wrong? What if the label was wrong? What if the person whose advice I asked got confused and thought I meant something else when I really meant this and they pointed me towards the wrong thing and now it’s just oh god, even I’m sick of me now.

Anyway, the curry I practically inhaled is probably fine, but here’s the thing: I didn’t make it myself. Since I’m not the person in charge of the preparation in this case, there’s always the chance that after all of my careful research it was filled with forbidden substances, like *gasp* dairy!

I must punish myself for the chance of wrongdoing foreverrrr!

Or. OR. ORRRRR!

Or I give myself a break.

When I got into this I swore to myself that I would keep perspective. So…why am I going to pieces? It’s not like I went to the pizza place and shotgunned slices of sausage and pepper.

I mean, I’m doing the best I can here. Typically at this point on Monday afternoon, old me would be eating nutella with a spoon. New me is NOT doing that! New me is agonizing about whether or not I accidentally consumed a teaspoon of sugar!

God, new me is annoying.